BLACK FOREST, Colorado
Teenager
A gift to my dad, I painted this with oil paints in high school. It still hangs over his work bench in his garage. At the time, I wanted to be a fine artist.
MAUI, Hawaii
Age: 40’s
Other than the euphoria I feel when engaged in creativity, there are other more personal reasons I paint. My art is closely linked to my emotions. When I create art, I commune with my emotions, both conscious and unconscious, both comfortable and not. It is not something I will, it just happens. That is a powerful truth, because to paint is to access a part of myself not as accessible in other ways.
For example, I painted the below painting right after I learned a close friend had taken her life while I was living in Maui. It is a picture of how I handle grief. I rise, rise, rise, then I hover. It is like a real time meditation/visualization even as I paint. Emotionally, I do that as many times as I need to as I go through the grief process.
That event is an example of a loss I grieve. I remember but I don’t dwell, and as old as I am, there have been others I have lost. This painting contains grief, but when I look at it, I feel happy. I remember my friend in a happy light, because that is how I knew her. My emotions feel supported in my grief because this painting exists. That is a powerful thing for a canvas board and a little paint slathered onto it can do.
SALT LAKE CITY, UT
Age: 50
The below oil painting meant to be the rough draft before the permanent painting. However, it became the one I actually used for the cover of Eva’s Journey, published in 2016.
The character of the book is a young woman. This first painting attempt I first viewed as not realistic enough, but upon reflection, if the young main character painted this scene, this is likely how it would look. Suddenly, it seemed perfect to be the cover.
The book was dedicated to the friend who took her life described above. That felt right although the book itself was 90% written when I met the friend. Dedicating it to her was to honor her. I very much enjoyed having her as a friend and will cherish the memories.
CANON CITY, Colorado
Age: 53
I’d returned to Colorado.
In turns of many events, some expected and planned, some not, I ended up living in Canon City. I have been here over a year now, and it has worked out well. I am grateful to spend time with family. I painted this at the Arkansas river which runs through Canon City, and the finished painting is now with my parents.
Creating art is like a meditation when I am going through times of change, uncertainty, or unknown. Clarity arrives after sitting in nature, smelling the aromas, seeing the colors and light, and recording what I see. I can’t sit in a car for an hour before my body feels like it has turned to a marble statue and it no longer works.
However, to sit fixated on a painting in nature changes me. Five hours passed like twenty minutes as I painted this painting. Again, something very mysterious, helpful and unconscious activates. The good done at the end of the session transcends simply having the new painting. I am a different, clearer, more healed person. I am surprised and delighted to realize how much time has passed and I have not turned to a statue.
Even as I flip through this blog, from who I was as a teenager, through the many experiences, friendships, chapters, accomplishments, failures, joys, disappointments, it is mind-boggling that it all fit in one lifetime.
I am a different person, and yet the same person. I still at age 60 want to be a fine artist, although the writer role caught me off guard. That was my weak subject in high school as I could barely write a paragraph. Life is not linear as I thought it would be. It is winding bringing both disappointment but also unexpected events and joys. Yet there is a through line that is all 100% who I am. It appears even the unexpected things were destined.
There are other paintings that could have been included here, which play an inner emotional role. I have one of an imaginary Grecian scene, and several of fruits and vegetables I did in Hawaii. I can’t always easily explain why I choose what I choose. Part of it is communing with some unconscious part of myself, or trying to get on the page or canvas some image that came into my mind in a powerful moment. –Other times it is as simple as the veggies I just bought look colorful and interesting sitting on the table and I want to paint them.–
Sometimes the messages from my unconscious mind are as important as the painting. That has been true in my relationship to my art since I was a kid. It is hard to express in words, that side of my life. It is related to intuition, consciousness and life purpose, but I can’t always express how verbally.
I guess the saying “A picture is worth a thousand words” is true. Sometimes it is worth more than a thousand words, because sometimes the words will never come.
Thank God I have paint.