There has been magic to this life.
In fourth grade I had an Isis phase. (Not Isis the political movement in the Middle East, but Isis the female superhero when I was in elementary school.) One of my friends, Matt, liked Shazam which was another superhero show on television at the time.
There was no shortage of superheroes. Batman, Superman, Spiderman, Superwoman and that doesn’t even start on the ones in the comic books.
Cher and Barry Manilow were up there too when I was elementary school age if I were to expand my mentor obsessions to performers. (Don’t even get me started on the entire cast of Sesame Street.)
They didn’t even need to be real. I had countless mentors who were characters in books. It astounded me from an early age how an hour spent with your ‘mentor’ of choice via a book or other media can transform your life in the form of giving you new optimism and motivation in the moment.
Isis and all the others, didn’t mean the same thing to me as I got older as they did then. However one thing didn’t change. I always needed to seek out a new mentor.
Middle school age I read the Hardy Boys, and continued my Barry Manilow obsession. I also added the entire cast of Little House on the Prairie.
High school, I looked up to several of my teachers, and some of the adults I grew to know. Most didn’t rise to ‘superhero’ status but a few did. My pleasure reading was voracious and many mentors sprang from books. Carl Sagan, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and John Steinbeck were ones to which I kept returning.
High School is also when I read the old and new Testaments of The Bible. Most books (with the exception of Numbers) were interesting and informative. I liked Psalms and the New Testament chapters most. As a Christian, of course Jesus made the mentor list early and is one of the most enduring. Of course, as a spiritual teacher and anchor of my spiritual beliefs, he obviously ranks higher than other mentors listed here.
In college I discovered A Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck (which had been first published in 1978.) I bought and gave away many copies of that transformational book. Many of the recipients then read, bought more, and gave them away. It was THAT good. —I later had the chance to talk with Scott Peck briefly in California at a psychological conference. His book is on my short list for most influential books on my life of all time.—
That book opened up a way of seeing that drove me to seek out more books like it. My early twenties were dominated with books mostly by counselors and psychologists. A book called Reviving Ophelia, Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls made a big impact on me. Another similar book for boys also came later: Raising Cain, Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys.
I met many of the authors through church seminars and through a psychological publishing house where I worked. Whether I met them in person or just read their book, sometimes the influence was short term, other times it was long term and profound.
But as I grew older, I realized as important as the influence was at the time, I had grown and matured and no longer needed some kinds of psychological mentoring. It dawned on me, I was enough. I had what I need to be who I am. Many of the weaknesses I once had have transformed and are not weaknesses anymore. Higher self-esteem allows me to laugh at my vulnerabilities and take them lightly rather than fear them. Wisdom teaches me life long learning is a good thing, but like everyone else, I don’t need to be perfect. It freed me up to learn more about the world and how I can help.
Now that I am just beginning my 60s, I am noticing another shift. I am still reading, but want to have a larger circle of friends. For so many years, the authors and others I looked up to but I didn’t know or barely knew seemed like friends. They weren’t really ‘friends.’ They weren’t actually in my life.
A friend would come to dinner if I invited them. A mentor I don’t know won’t. A mentor who is also a friend will answer an email and meet me for a discussion over lunch. A public figure won’t. In a world where so many forces and individuals are competing for attention from fans, for donations, and for power acquired from large followings, it is important to know the difference because the most effective way to get what they want is to make it seem they are your personal friend. It is very convincing.
It is important to be conscious of where and to who you give your energy and attention which is admittedly a challenge now that social media is on the scene. Social media I believe is neither good nor bad, but it can lead to good or bad depending on how a person uses it, (including how we unconsciously use it.) A trap it poses to an individual is ensnaring them in believing they are in ‘relationships’ which aren’t actually relationships. A social media connection can become an actual friend that you grow to know in person, but it is important to know the difference between friend and social media connection. That is why I am reducing social media intake and going back to more reading. I learn more, and the social boundaries stay more intact.
Cultivating relationships with other humans and contributing to humanity is worthwhile and is why we are here. Knowing the difference between relationship and those who don’t know you or necessarily care about you is also very good. It can be psyche saving.
I carry all those who have helped me along the way, but live firmly in my own whole self. I do not need anyone to complete me. I therefore am free to give and receive honestly and freely.
The past was growth-filled, the present is amazing, and every day is a new beginning!